Fiction and Truth!

“You have received a new email message from DateMaster”, I was busy debugging a memory leak when the MSN messenger popped up a window with this message. Exasperatedly, I clicked on the pop-up to make sure that this was another junk email I had to delete from my hotmail account. I, immediately, thought of building a junk email solution to relieve the people of this nauseating problem and be richer by a few million dollars in the process. I mean, I have pretty strong junk email filters but it still lets a few junk mails to pass through. It was all the more interesting to see that the email was sent by me to me only. I mean, someone apparently opened up a SMTP connection to a mail server and put the same email address in the sender/receiver list and just changed the display name to DateMaster. I smiled at myself, I had an idea to start building the junk mail solution I was thinking of a minute back but then that’s another story which I will not go into here.

“Ashish, do you think we will get this demo done by 5 in the evening?” - the voice almost made me poorer by the few million dollars I was planning to make. It was the project manager Sheila. “You know, this is really an important component for today’s meeting with the client.” - I looked at the computer clock, it was already 2 and I knew very well that I needed to get it done if I wanted to continue making few thousand rupees that I was making in the current job. “Sure Sheila, I will be ready by then!” she was happy and gave me that glance for which people were ready to kill in the office. Sheila was an attractive single woman in her late 20’s, and I always felt she had the hots for me. Interestingly, there were many others in the office who thought the same: well, not for me but for themselves.

We did get the final buy-off from the client, went for a booze in the evening and came back home late in the night. It was then that I read ‘that email’. It’s, definitely, one of the most interesting emails I have read till date. It talked about “techniques” to go on a “successful” blind date apart from the photos and details of singles in the area. I was amazed at the idea of planning even a meeting with someone I have never seen, meeting accidentally is another thing but planning it.. that was a big no-no for me. The only “stranger” I knew then was my chat-friend “Fiona”, she was the one who taught me all the chat etiquettes, and lingo’s; the chat sessions used to be pretty informative and I never forgot to thank Nitin for convincing me to try online chatting. It was just a month back that I started chatting with her but we made some rapid progress. The chat sessions led to frequent exchange of emails, and even late night calls over phone. I remember that once we talked almost 4 hours continuously over phone late in the night which was the longest time I have ever talked to a person in a stretch until few days back. Yes, I am a big chatter: I just broke my previous record when I talked to someone for 6 hours 2 minutes continuously but then that’s also a different story.

The email was really intriguing; it talked about the appropriate body language needed which makes the difference between a good date and a bad date, attempted to teach the way to ‘look’ at your date, the details on when to take initiative, examples as to when one should talk about himself and ask her interests, when one should let the other person take the lead; it even talked about few of the “pickup lines” to be used if nothing else works; it really kept me glued to my laptop for a good 5 minutes. I always learn things faster when I use it in practice and, hence, had made up my mind about going on a blind-date by the time I finished reading the email. I looked at some of the photos provided: none of them appealed me very much, either they were all too good for me or I was too good for them; mostly the former.

I was desperate, my mind started working really fast, I was thinking of potential partners. I picked up the phone, the clock showed 12.30 in the night, went to recently called numbers list: there it was, the 3rd last number. trrr… trr… I could hear the phone ringing. “helloo” - I knew I had woken her up from a deep sleep. “Fiona”, I said, “do you..ahemm… do you like to go on a blind-date with me?” There was a silence momentarily. “Ash”, I could sense her eyes laughing at me, “You?? At this time?? Did you wake me up from my sleep just to ask this?” I looked at my wrist-watch; it was indeed late for a Tuesday night. I was apologetic. “Sorry Fiona, I didn’t mean to disturb you from your sleep but I had something important to talk to you about. I read this email and didn’t know who to call except you”, I described the story about that DateMaster email. She kept on laughing for almost a minute and the first thing she said was “Ash, you are really crazy, you know that?” “Oh yeah, people have told me this earlier also”, was my characteristic reply. “Sure! When?” - I was excited now; I remembered that DateMaster highly recommended taking the initiative rather aggressively while asking out to minimize the chances of rejection. “Tomorrow”, I said immediately. She burst into laughter again “Tomorrow?? You don’t have office tomorrow? “Oh yes, I had the office next day but I wanted to follow DateMaster blindly. I decided to fall sick the next day and said “Yes, tomorrow!! How about you?” “hmmm… that DateMaster really impressed you, hai naa?” She said smilingly. After deciding on the timings, we said good-night to each other and went to the bed.

The date was fixed to start at 11 in the morning. I woke up at 8, way too early as per my standards, revised the “techniques” once again. That email was really informative; I never knew junk emails could be useful too, I almost decided to relax my email filters a bit to increase such “junks” coming my way. I went to the bathroom, looked at my face. Ahhh… I needed a shave badly. Picking up the razor, I called up Ankita. “Hey Anks! Do you think I look better clean-shaven or a little stubble looks better?” - was my question. Instead of answering my question, she started asking hundred other questions. Knowing quite well now that neither will she answer my question nor will hang up the phone anytime soon, I put her on the speaker phone and picked up the personal-trimmer and went on to give myself a little rugged look. I was planning really well: wore the imported cologne my uncle gifted me on my last birthday, applied gel on my hairs, wore contact lenses, but was still undecided on whether I should go for a sophisticated look or the sporty look. “Ash, don’t tell me you are going to date Fiona” - Ankita was still on the phone and probably she guessed that finding me doing such elaborate make-up. Ankita was my best-friend, she really was good reading my mind, I am sometimes confused as to whether she knows me more than what I know myself or what? But as I say, that is yet another different story and I will concentrate on this story first. “Anks”, I smiled, “I will talk to you later” and hung up the phone.

Immediately, I called up Nitin at office to inform that I was sick and can’t come to office today. “Sure dude, take good care” - was the reply. It’s really good to fall sick sometimes. Anyways, I decided to look sophisticated, now you people don’t laugh at it, I was really nervous. I knew that I was nervous, I don’t even remember if I was so nervous when I went on my first date few years back. But the fact is that I really wanted to make a point that I can go for blind-dates and make it “successful” too. I wore the designer shirt I bought only last week and a matching black trouser to go with it. I put on my over-coat to fight the winter with style. In all this time, I was mumbling all those lines I memorized from the email.

Wrapping up the preparation, I finally managed to reach the mall. I knew that she would be waiting for me in front of the Gap store; I looked at my clock, being late by half an hour on the first date is never a good idea. I was walking pretty fast looking around. There she was, standing by the pillar with her back towards me. Was I so lucky, she had a figure to kill for which was pretty evident in her really tight jeans and a sleeveless top. I moved towards her. “Fiona”, I could see a movement in her confirming that she was the one I came to meet. With red-roses in my hand and desperation to give it to her as soon as possible, I used the first pickup line “A bunch of roses for the most beautiful rose” as she turned around completely. “Sheila”, I almost screamed. “You, mmmm…whattt… what are you doing here? Are you Fiona?” I was pretty embarrassed and so was she. Her face went red for a moment, I realized that she will only be a project manager for me and not a date. Knowing well my next action if I had to save my job, I took the first bus to the office and was there right at the lunch time.

It is rightly said that junk mails do no good to the recipients; let me move on with my plan of developing the junk mail solution rather than remembering the pick up lines from DateMaster.

“I am fine Aunty.. aap kaisi hain?” I said this smilingly to my neighbour as I noticed her expecting a reply from me. “Kya ho gaya, you seem a little lost today, I have been watching you for a couple of minutes now”. “Kuch nahin aunty, we are going for a movie and Nikita is getting ready”. Aunty smiles and goes inside her apartment after wishing me a nice time.

I can’t stop comparing the two: one who is so warm, so considerate and always ready to wish me a nice time and there is the other one who has locked me out of my apartment for the last 30 minutes just to try a new dress. “Nikki! come out soon, we will miss the show”. “Yes dear” - came the reply. The door opened partially and a hand bare to the shoulder was visible “Ashish, you have my bag with you. Can you pass it over? I want to try another ear-ring”. I was confused. I never found her arms so beautiful, I didn’t move a bit. “Ash, come on .. pass it over” - I didn’t want to stop looking at her arms but I was angry. How much time does she take to get ready? Here, I am waiting for her outside my apartment for last 30 minutes and she is being so insensitive to that. Damn! I hate relations, they make you lose all your independence. I handed her the bag and lighted a cigarette knowing that it will be another 10 minutes before she comes out.

Another five minutes passed, I had finished smoking and she didn’t come out. I was getting increasingly infuriated. Girls dont seem to have any idea of time, they don’t really understand the importance of it. Nikki always used to make me wait but this was exceptionally long, I was getting impatient. “Nikki, come naa… I can’t wait more, I am leaving. You take an auto and come directly to the cinema”. I went downstairs and was about to start the bike.

“Ashish, you are such an insensitive person, you can’t wait for me for 5 minutes, I am not very well today and yet I am going because you want to watch this movie, how can you say that to me, I came this far just for you and you are asking me to take an auto…” - She came down running and started blaming me continuously, and boy, I did not get a chance to react. I mean, I could not even blink my eyes. Here she was looking like an absolute princess, in her black evening gown. I could not listen to what she was saying, I was busy appreciating her effort in getting ready: so stunning, so gorgeous, the wait time was definitely worth it. My imagination took a weird turn and I could not help noticing the contrast between the black strap on her shoulder and her soft and white skin making the dress look all the more beautiful. She, still, managed to make me feel her “glowing red with anger” face look like a bunch of red-roses and her ear-rings were like white ducks floating in the lake during the sun-set. I didn’t even think, then, it to be a weird comparison; I was not in a state to think logically.

“Nikki!”, I gulped, “You look lovely!”. I took a deep breath and said “I have never ever in my life seen a girl more beautiful than you”. Her anger subsided a bit and I could see the characteristric glow of her eyes admiringly. Finding her speechless at my response, I continued: “Nikki, I am really sorry, I know that I should not have done that. It was all my fault. Sorry, please! I was kidding, you know I would not have left you”. She became normal and came near me smiling. I hate smiles, they make me so weak! I took her left hand, put it over my left hand and started sliding my right hand up towards the strap on her shoulder. “Ash, you are taking advantage now!” - I moved my left hand around her waist and pulled her closer. Bringing my mouth near her ears, I said.. “Nikki, there is something I want to tell you! I have always felt telling this to you but never actually did it. But I think I should let you know this before it gets too late.” Excitedly, she looked directly in my eyes. I came closer and said
“You forgot to wear your sandals again!”.

She moved away a bit and started thumping my chest with her soft fists. I began to laugh when she pushed her head onto my chest and then the only words she spoke was “I hate you, I hate you”. How true, that still remains the most romantic words I have ever heard

trnnnnnn….. sucks!! The alarm had to go only now! My dream was over!!!

I maintain a decently well-read blog at Ashish’s World but that is more of a business / technical blog. There are a lot of times when I feel writing about things that doesn’t go that well on the other blog - like fiction, personal stuff, creative writing and generally anything weird that I come across. This blog may have posts that relate to my life and, at the same time, may have other posts that may be a total art of my imagination while many a times it will be a mix of the two.

To start with, I will be copying the posts from the first ever blog I created - which was at Sulekha with the nick ‘AnonymousGuy’. Those are the first piece of writings I ever did and I am warning you before you read it for many potential flaws.

With the hope of being able to upate this blog reasonably frequently, I sign-off now and make another beginning in the blogosphere.